3 Things You Can do Now to Make Fear Less Scary
Feeling anxious and yearning for a way to reduce it? Here are 3 proven techniques:
How do I know, well because outside of the great work done by Harvard neuroscientist Diana Tamir, as a mindset coach of several years, I’ve observed significant changes among clients who have mixed and matched these techniques to better cope with the all-too-common toxic workplace environment.
In essence these steps engage the ‘thinking’ part of your brain which by default takes over your ‘emotional brain’ to truly get a sense of what is and isn’t the case.
- Mindfulness theory, recommends taking note of troublesome thoughts, like fear. Recognize and accept them...to let them go.
Daniel Gilbert a renowned researcher of Happiness, says we spend close to 50% of our waking hours dedicated to thinking about something other than what we’re doing. In his book “Stumbling on Happiness,” he suggests that the extent to which our mind wanders from the present is often the best predictor of our own happiness. Analysis of time-lag conducted by the researchers strongly suggested that the patients’ mind wandering was generally the cause and not the consequence of their unhappiness.
Interesting isn’t it! You are not your thoughts but are indeed directly impacted by them. So you see noting them down mentally or on paper brings awareness to them. No more need to have them loosely floating back and forth in your mind. This serves to remind you that you have control over them!
- Sick to your core, overcome by emotion and likely not loving the idea of fleshing out a possible nightmare? What would be the point?
Well science says there absolutely is one! That’s right! In fact Irvine’s work on “The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy,” explores the notion of well - faking it and getting ‘down and dirty’ with our nightmare! Stoicism has “premeditation.” The underlying idea being - we ask ourselves, what’s the worst that can happen? And in so doing, realise it is not so bad.
Thinking through just how awful things could be, often has the ironic effect of making you realise that they are in fact, not that bad.
And if you want to get ‘bang for buck,’ out of this practice why not try combining it with the Harvard guru on all things behaviour: Amy Cuddy’s suggestion that your body language shapes who you are.
So here’s a super odd, very cool (at least to my mind!) technique you can employ. When you’re in the practice of asking, “What’s the worst that could happen?” smile. Consciously embrace that upturned lip! Research shows that people who smile feel waaaaaay happier! In doing this you can turn the all-so-negative story-line you’ve been ‘feeding’ yourself, around. Making it far more manageable when the time comes! If you think through this scenario, more than likely you’ll find yourself less afraid of what other people will do and more afraid of the feelings it will cause you: Shame, Embarrassment etc. Good news! YOU HAVE CONTROL over these! So smile through the thoughts, and remember that just like the stressful situations (of eg asking for a raise, going for an interview or doing a talk) that have come before, you’ve got this! Because lets face it - you’re alive, seeing out another day and realising that you’ve coped and thrived with situations like these in the past! Woot woot, Go You!!!
- Alongside these two techniques (mindfulness and stoicism) neuroscience also recommends “re-appraisal.” This is the act of re-interpreting your feelings with a new different story that makes them less scary. Re-appraisal is really powerful as a practical and in-the-moment technique you can employ to help defuse some of the fear, anger or anxiety you may feel from eg not getting the job, promotion, speaking slot or even ‘voice at the table.’
Imagine you created a list of reasons you deserve a promotion, practised how you were going to call out your achievements and argue a case for more money and then scheduled a meeting to discuss it with your Manager. Now - imagine - leaving out the detail. Coming out of the meeting with your Manager and seeing your friends comment: “I can’t believe it!”
In a good head space - you’ve filled the detail in, you had the meeting and got the pay rise, in an anxious head space, your feelings take over and you think about the fact that they don’t see your worth and wont be giving you a pay rise.
See how the same words, attributed with different meanings resulted in a different overall feel-good or feel-bad vibe. Yep. This is the power of re-appraisal.
The underlying notion being the age old idea from Albert Ellis: “You don’t get frustrated because of events, you get frustrated because of your beliefs.” So - you see, when you change your beliefs about a situation, your brain changes the emotions you feel. That’s right YOU, not the situation - have the power to decide how stressful or anxious or annoyed or outright scared - you need be.
Neuroscience research shows that when we avoid scary things we become more scared. We’re leaving our creative minds to conjure up all kinds of twisted realities. When you face your fears they become less frightening. Remember, any practice that gets you to actively think (versus feel) best helps smother anxiety and bring into being: a more empowered you!
Here’s to YOU BEST YOU!
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Light, Love and lots of doing advice that freaking moves that needle forward for you,
Louise