Interview Oddities and Rejection Realities: The Neuroscience of it all

You go for an interview, all seems to go well and you never hear anything back. It’s like crickets and at an emotional level undeniably heavy.

This may happen at the 2nd, 3rd or even final interview - where they’ve walked you around the office and alluded to you starting on Monday.

If this has or is happening to you, then here’s 5 activities to implement immediately, along with a good dash of Neuroscience, because well - we’re human, welcome aboard. It sucks, But with warm hands out - you’re in a compassionate and safe space.

Step 1: PROACTIVELY OWN YOUR OUTCOME

whether you're meeting with the recruiter of the hiring manager, ASK:

How quickly are you looking to fill the role and when can I expect to hear back from you. Possibly the most important step here...that most people miss...ask if it's possible to get an email for them, in case you have any follow up questions or need to advise them of a different role  progressing further etc.

Step 2: HUMILITY TRUMPS ALL

Within 24 hours, the sooner the better, follow up with a thank you note

Step 3: ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY'RE BUSY, RESPECT THEY'RE SPACE

Wait until the time frame they gave you passed and follow up. Needn't be big, it could just be an update to let them know where you're at with other interviews and/or checking to see where they're at in the process.

Step 4: 1 WEEK IS GENERALLY ENOUGH TIME 

Unless agreed otherwise, enough time to follow up again and ask...try to do this via a phone call. If you can't get through. Don't let it go. Send them an email...remember step 1, yep it's useful!

Step 5: LEARN FROM THIS

You don't need to bounce right back, it's perfectly ok to sit with your emotions...give yourself a day. Then freaking get back out there, first thing the next morning. Reflect: what went well, what didn't and use this.

DON'T BE A VICTIM...NO MORE...THEY WASTED MY TIME, story line. 

And lastly - a good dose of down to earth - we’re designed this way, that’s right, we’re designed to feel pain when rejected - because well - frankly it helped out species stay alive! Crazy right?!

Our brain experiences physical AND emotional pain in the same areas: the shared neural substrates in the

Brain, the dacc: dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and anterior insula. 

A person more sensitive to physical pain is also more sensitive to emotional pain. The most resilient of brains release significantly more opioids during social rejection than others. 

In essence, they're able to reduce the amount of pain they feel. 

From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that our brains would have such an adverse reaction to rejection. Rejection would have served as a vital function. Being ostracized from our tribe would have equated to certain death, since it would have been difficult to survive alone. 

Thus, the brain likely developed an early warning system, that we were at risk of being rejected. Those who experienced rejection as more painful gained an evolutionary advantage since they were more likely to adjust their behaviour and remain in the tribe as a consequence.

So as a subset to rejection, here's 3 things to remember:

1. accept that rejection will hurt
2. repeat exposure, practice makes perfect...well it helps
3. reframe rejection, choose how you interpret the pain. In fact it is this that underpins much of the success of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), the idea being that by reframing the way we perceive the events in our lives, we can change the way we feel about them.

So to re-cap:

1. Proactively own your outcome, with cleverly placed questions in your first interview
2. Humility trumps all, everyone likes a thank you note and you'll feel better for it
3. Don't be that annoying person...1 day of waiting around for a response, doesn't warrant 10+ follow up calls, to find out how you went.
4. 1 week is enough time, unless told otherwise, to follow up with an ask of feedback.
5. Learn from it, i/v skills, alongside the ability to actively listen and concisely answer a question are always good to skills to have and lastly...
6. It's human to feel rejection.

Hope these tangible actions, science backed recommendations and my passion for empowering you, truly helps. If you’d like more detail or guidance on the aforementioned points, reach out, we’re excited to announce out “HR ALLY IN YOUR POCKET” 1:1 crisis and coaching services (https://louisewithemployease.com/contact/)

You’ve got this!

Louise :)